Be Calm

Gahhh. This is going on the 2nd week my neck and shoulder have been in pain. I don’t know if I have a pinched nerve or what?

The last week has been really stressful for reasons I can’t really blog about. So yesterday I went to do some retail therapy at the mall and everyone was nicer than usual. The guy at the bakery kept asking me if I needed any help reaching anything. Then the girl at Hot Topic (yes I know make fun of me) read every vinyl title for me because they were stacked on a high shelf. There was like 50 + vinyl. I told her she didn’t have to but she said she didn’t mind. I thought that was cool of her. Of course I ended up buying one because I would’ve felt really bad not buying anything after she did that for me. I got Blink 182’s “The Mark, Tom, and Travis Show,”

Then there’s puppies!! Whenever I’m super stressed or sad I like going to the pet store and seeing all the puppies. (I know Chelz, yell at me. I support shelters though). They had some of the puppies out to play with in a pen. I stood up holding on to my wheelchair so that I could pet them. Unfortunately my arms were too short and I couldn’t reach :( I watched as everyone else walked by and pet the puppies. Then one of the workers came over and picked up one of the puppies so I could pet. After a few minutes I got tired of standing and had to sit back down in my wheelchair. He then asked if I wanted to hold her? So I did and she was wagging her tail and giving me kisses while the worker and I talked about superheroes and dogs. He was really nice and it was nice of him to do that. Puppies make me happy.

I know I still need to post the pictures from my tattoo session on here, I’ve just been so stressed :/ Hopefully soon though.

So looking forward to my road trip in a couple weeks! Wish this pain would go away. If it’s not one thing it’s another….

Losing sleep

I finally went to the back doctor today. Since my insurance is stupid and won’t approve the injections I need (it’s been a year and we’ve submitted the paperwork 3 times and every time it got denied!) I asked for a cortisone shot just for the moment. The needle was huge and it was in my back. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would though. Not that it didn’t hurt at all because believe me it did! I just thought it was gonna be worse.

I’ve always had this anxiety about needles and hate them which is kind of funny considering I’m getting tattooed again tomorrow.

Hopefully the shot helps. The area’s a little sore but I feel ok. Though for the past two days my neck and shoulders have been really bothering me which sucks. I’m usually never in pain in those parts of my body. Weird.

So my mom hurt her hand really bad and it’s been hard for her to drive and lift my wheelchair as of late. I feel really really bad that I’m not able to drive to help out and can’t do more for her :( she does everything for me and takes me everywhere and I see how much pain she’s been in the last few days and I just feel so bad :/ I feel useless and it sucks.

Too excited for tomorrow that I can’t sleep! Need sleep but I just can’t.

Bleh

We had an earthquake this morning! 4.7 shook my bed. It was fun.

Wasn’t happy I was woken up by it at 6 in the morning though. Also wasn’t happy I woke up with a sore throat and a cough :/ I really hope I’m not catching something :( I have a lot of things to get done this week and a meeting with a client on Wednesday. I took some cough medicine and went back to sleep.

Tonight was really bad pain wise :/ my back, hip and leg were killing me. It jumped from its usual 6 to like a 9 in minutes. I took a ibuprofen, put a pain patch on and tried to massage it. I couldn’t move for hours. Then it got to the point where it even hurt sitting down at my desk :/ definitely hurt when I moved or walked around. There was no winning this one. I moved to the living room and hoped a brief walk and some stretching would help. Only felt worse. I sat down and watched tv with my sister and after a few minutes the pain intensified even more. I had to stand up, bend over as far as I could while holding on to my walker and dig my thumb into the spot in my back. I stayed like this for a few minutes until my legs started to weaken. The rest of the night I had to keep my hands pressed into my back to relieve some pressure and pain. Of course my arm would start to get tired and hurt so I had to alternate even with that. Lovely Arthrogryposis, you sure like giving me zero pain free days don’t you? And what did I do to deserve this tonight?! I’d have to say this is one of my worser pain days. I literally wanted to climb into bed in the fetal position and not move while I cried - if I could indeed climb into the fetal position which I can’t. Had to wait for the ibuprofen to wear off and finally took a Vicodin 40 minutes ago. It’s kicked in and at least it’s helping a little.

As I was in pain tonight my sister sat there and watched me and I can’t help but wonder whether she believes me or not? I mean she didn’t offer her assistance or even ask what’s wrong. And all I get from my mom is a “well you need to move around more!” whenever I’m in pain. It’s pointless to tell them I’m in pain anymore ‘cuz I don’t think they believe me, and even if they do they definitely don’t believe or understand the extent of the pain I’m in.

Oh yeah there goes the Vicodin. That’s nice. Too bad it’s only probably last 20 more minutes :/

Do dating sites have standard pick up lines guys can choose from to send to girls if they don’t know what to say? Can any dudes out there tell me if this is an option? I swear they do! I get the same exact 4-5 lines from random guys every day! Like really? You’re that unsure of what to say to me you have to send a stupid cheesy pick up line?! A simple hello would suffice.

Blah my arm’s getting tired from typing on my iPad so I better stop this here. Hope the pain’s gone torn the night, as also really hope I don’t get sick.

Glad he deleted his profile. Shouldn’t have been stalking him anyways, only would’ve ended up depressed.

Life’s ok. Getting lots of design work done. Need to draw more. I need more hours in the day to get more stuff done. Before I know it the day has already past.

My toes have been bothering me.

My lower back hurt today.

Did anyone see the past episode of Grey’s Anatomy where there’s an Arthrogryposis storyline?!

I need something epic to happen. Routine bores me.

Here’s my first of many videos I will be doing. I apologize for my awkwardness. Hope you enjoy and send me more questions so I can make another one! :)

Reblog if you’d like :)

If you haven’t seen or read already, there are new articles on Arthrogryposis by Dr. Judith Hall that have just been published. If you don’t wanna read through all of them here are some of the things I gathered that specifically pertain to my case:

- Small dimples over affected joints. Makes sense. The area where I have a lot of my back/hip pain has a huge crease or I guess you could say dimple over it.

- Arthritis developing in mid 20’s. Thank you! While they state there are no major problems occurring for those with AMC later in life they do mention that one of the few things that can occur is Arthritis. Um I know a lot of my Tumblr AMC friends and myself included would say this isn’t a tiny problem for us! While I can see how a doctor/professional can see how Arthritis is not major - us, the ones who have to live with it, well it kind of is a big deal! It’s a pain in the ass always hurting. I’d say that’s kind of a big uncomfortable problem.

- Left side and lower limbs are at greater risk of being affected. While all four of my limbs are affected, my weaker side does happen to be my life side.

- Mobius syndrome/decreased facial movement. In my case partial facial paralysis on the left side.

Of course the article mentions the typical club feet, dislocated hips, scoliosis, etc. etc. I have to say even though it took years I’m glad there is new info on this - though I do think it does tend to focus on children and newborns and the development or Athrogryposis. I wish there was a study and more information for adults living with AMC. Of course even if that does happen in the future it’ll probably be a long time coming since these articles took over 35 + years of collecting data :/

2am & Pain

There comes a point in the night where you ask yourself “Do I want to stay up miserable in dull pain and rough it out?” Or “Do I want to do some more damage to my liver and drug myself up?”

It’s 2 am and I don’t feel like laying awake in bed all night due to the dull aches and throbbing I’m experiencing on the left side of my body. It starts from my lower back all the way down to my hip and the side of my leg just before my knee.

Why is my pain being annoying tonight? Well it could be a number of reasons:

1. When getting out of my friend’s SUV last night I landed pretty hard on the ground since I’m short and his car is really high for me so in order to get out I sort of have to jump.

2. Soreness from earlier when the car jerked so we could avoid an accident.

3. My usual annoying hip and lower back pain caused by who knows what?

4. All of the above.

I’ve already taken two Vicodin today because of the stupid pain. Thought that would be enough to get me through until tomorrow but my body hates me and won’t let me sleep. So I’m left with the following decisions:

A. Do nothing about it and hope I fall asleep soon.

B, Put some sort of pain patch or massage the area.

Or

C. Take another Vicodin or some sort of pain killer.

I already know my liver is fucked. I chose not to be miserable. But I only chose not to take 3 Vicodin within an 8 hour period. Instead I opted for patching of my whole leg, hip and back as we’ll as taking two slightly duller painkillers.

Here’s to hoping I fall asleep soon and tomorrow’s a better day.