I like to travel, I’d do it more if I was able to physically on my own and didn’t need assistance. I’d travel all over the world. I travel occassionally with my family, but that’s different because their my family and they know what I need (because they live with me) and I don’t feel embarrassed asking for help.
I have traveled with friends a few times. Always female friends though. I still get embarrassed asking them for help but it’s not as bad as asking a dude. I would LOVE to travel more with friends but I always feel weird asking because I feel like I’m this huge responsibility when traveling.
My friend got us tickets to go to a show in April in San Francisco in April. It’s during the week and the drive is about 7 hours. Instinctually I started looking for hotels with accessible rooms/roll in showers because I assumed we’d be spending the night. It’s always a little bit of a hassle booking an accessible hotel room because most hotels have only 1 or 2 ADA rooms and with my luck they’re always booked. That’s why I started looking now. I found one after a few hours that was decently priced and not too ghetto. To make sure we were spending the night I called my friend to confirm before I booked the room.
When I told him, yeah it’s a dude, he said don’t worry about it ‘cuz we could stay at his friend’s house for free. While that’s cool and I’m all for saving money I told him I needed an accessible place to stay. He said he knew and he was pretty sure his friend’s place was accessible enough. While I sometimes can get into houses with 2 or 3 steps (though it still isn’t the easiest) I’d rather stay somewhere completely accessible so the less I’m dependent on my companion the better. I then explained to him the reason I was looking at hotels is because I needed an accessible shower. I told him I can’t just use any shower.
"Well it’s ok if you don’t shower for a day" he said. Yeah right! I’m not gonna NOT shower, especially being around a dude (strictly platonic btw, I just don’t wanna be stinky around anyone)! I said I needed to shower.
He said ok and sounded a little dissapointed we weren’t gonna be staying with his friends. I automatically felt terrible and like a burden. I started thinking that maybe I should offer my ticket to his friend in my place so overnight accomodations wouldn’t be so difficult. So he could stay at his friend’s house and hang out. Without having to worry about me and what I need.
I felt like a nuisance. I always feel like a nuisance when traveling with friends. I hate asking for help combing my hair or putting on my shoes or whatever else I need help with. I know you’re gonna say well if they’re your friends they won’t mind. They ARE my friends and they DON’T mind, but I DO. No matter how many times my friends say they don’t mind helping me I can’t help but feel bad.
How I wish I could do these normal simple things on my own.
For a second yeah I thought about backing out of the trip and telling him to go with his friends. But I didn’t. I wanted to, but I didn’t. I made a promise to myself this year to take more risks and to live in the moment. To see as much of the world as I can and make as many memories as I can.
Still doesn’t mean I don’t feel awkward about the situation. This is the first time traveling with a guy friend and even though he’s like my brother it’s still gonna be weird. It’s gonna be weird asking him for help with my shoes and stuff. It’s gonna be weird that his friends have to come to a hotel to hang out because of me. I’m gonna feel weird. But I guess that’s something I have to deal with when it happens. Maybe I’m worrying about nothing. Maybe it won’t even be that big of a deal.
I hope it won’t.